You have to be willing to LOSE, to GAIN

You have to be willing to LOSE, to GAIN

August 26th, 2010 // 8:04 pm @

Another one of my favorite snippets of so called “wisdom”, that I’ve coined over the years is:


This is particularly important when you are dealing with relationships.

People tend to want to play things SAFE. To try to keep control. They’d often rather lose a little integrity vs. lose their relationship.

In a relationship you must be willing to lose that relationship in order to make it better and better. If you’re primary feeling is fear, you are in trouble. Not only are you being a phony, but your partner will not respect you.

This manifests itself in many ways, but most commonly by not revealing/discussing anything that you think might upset your partner and make them like you less. This is great for the short term, but eventually everything comes out and not only the thing you were hiding, but your attempt to hide it, itself. Even when it does not come out, it leaves you feeling bad about it and the energy you put out is “ugly”. You feel like a fraud and you are.

People are attracted to confidence, honesty and integrity. Sure it’s easier to agree with your partner about everything. To make them think the two of you are perfect together. But really, you are just setting yourself up for a big fall.

Just be YOU, and let the chips fall where they may. You do not HAVE to be perfect or exactly matched for someone to love you. As a case in point, my wife and I are so NOT alike that it’s comical. We don’t like the same music, movies, food, friends etc. BUT after 15+ years we are happier then ever. The secret is our core beliefs are very aligned, most important is that we like time to ourselves. We don’t LIKE to be together all the time. It suffocates us both. So for us… our mismatch, is the perfect match!

To be clear, this does NOT mean you should meet someone and give them a list of every thing you like and don’t like; your political opinions etc. Also, many things change over time and you may not even KNOW how you are going to feel about something in the future.

No, this just means stop being SCARED TO BE YOURSELF. Have the integrity to speak your mind when you feel strongly about something and be just as willing to listen to others.

Being yourself, yet being open to growth and change is the best way to enjoy life in my opinion.

Life is too short to go around and worry if everyone agrees with you.

Also, if you have a big topic to bring to your partner, this is often best left for a neutral time and not in the heat of the moment. This doesn’t mean you have a license to put things off indefinitely, to be fair to you and your partner you need to discuss this kind of thing BEFORE major decisions are made, not after, just because you are scared things won’t go your way.

Do you see a recurring theme?


Getting rid of fear is easier said then done, but I urge you to boldly seek the truth and live an authentic life!


Category : Story Archive &Truth

One Comment → “You have to be willing to LOSE, to GAIN”

  1. Australian Web Host

    13 years ago

    I like your blog, it’s very interesting. Goog job man.


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Bo Blaze is the "Alternative" life coach. Specializing in the Entertainment Industry, Alternative Relationships & Sexuality and anyone else who's life is just a little bit left of center. He has 20 years of experience in the music industry and has worked with a variety of entertainers and touring musicians from the "most high profile" to the "completely unknown". He has vast experience with alternative lifestyles & communities including, Polyamory, Leather, BDSM, Kinky, Queer, Fetish, Adult, Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Transsexual, Crossdressing, LGBT, Leather Family, adult entertainers, sex workers etc. Bo's own struggle and subsequent success fighting his food addiction makes him an excellent choice as a Bulimia and Food Addiction Coach.