God is a 12 year old boy teasing his sister and other tales of the rapture.

God is a 12 year old boy teasing his sister and other tales of the rapture.

May 20th, 2011 // 4:52 pm @ Site Admin

So let me get this straight. There is a man in the sky, and he loves us but he is verrrrrrry pissed off at us.

Sure, you’d think that an all knowing, perfect being would maybe, not get angry so much, but let’s not start thinking reasonably now, that will ruin everything.

So this man in the sky loves us so much, he decided to kill most everyone 7000 years ago with a flood. Now tomorrow, 7000 years later he’s back to his crazy hi-jinks again.

God’s back and this time he’s pissed!

Yes folks, this time, our “wacky lord”… this “David Blaine” of eternity

Will produce right in front of your eyes, a most amazing magical feat of power. Yes the one and only “god” will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the Lord.

Wow… that’s like “Chris Angel” good!

Wait… there is a bad part. Those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth. Death will be everywhere.

AWESOME, this is now like, “Francis Ford Coppola” good!

Wait no, It’s going to be “John Landis” good, like a big Thriller video come to life. It’s like one big Zombie Jesus day!

I do have a few questions.

What has been the situation with all the dead people since the beginning of time? They have been in a sort of suspended animation thing?

What about all the Billions of people who have not taken “jesus christ as their lord and savior”? You know, those pesky Eastern Religions, Jews, and such. You know…  the other 65% of the earth?

What excuses do you have ready to explain why this didn’t happen, on Sunday.

Also what happens to the rest of us heathens who are alive now and will be watching this spectacle?

Well, it seems because he’s a vengeful god, or as my man Bill Hicks once said, “A prankster god”, he’s going to not smite the rest of us right away…

he’s going to tease us. Like a 12 year old, might tease his sister.

Revelation 9:3-5 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads. And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

THEN on October 21^st, 2011, God will completely destroy his creation and all of the people who never uttered the special “phrase that pays”,  are toast.

Say the secret word and the duck will come down and give you everlasting life!

On October 21^st, 2011, all non-believers will cease to exist from that point forward.  This by the way, would be the payment for someone who used the brain that “god” gave them, to question this world and think that maybe things were a little more complicated then fairy tales.Maybe they just had the bad luck to be born Muslim or Jewish or whatever.

Folks, I appreciate that death is scary

and that trying to fathom this amazing trip we are on called life is impossible, but really? Really? You “really” think this is going to happen tomorrow? And when it does NOT happen tomorrow you’ll decide that it was all a mistake in calculation and be sure it’s going to happen someday?

You don’t think MAYBE… just maybe… this whole bible thing is sort of a “story”.

I know how scary it is, but just for a minute, for a millisecond, please use the brain that you were given. And honestly tell me, doesn’t this sound more like a nice little story that man wrote to explain things they didn’t understand, doesn’t it sound a little, hmmm… I don’t know… crazy?

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d like to think god would be a better author then that!

I beg you to think, to reason with your mind and not be frightened into listening to ridiculous dogma. If you are religious and it gives you comfort. I’m happy for you.

But please stop living your life afraid of a bad science fiction story because I’m here to tell you that:

LIFE IS WAY COOLER THEN THAT!!

I don’t have the answer and you don’t have the answer, but just look around, look at this magnificent world. The real story of how and why we’re here is not a schlocky movie that even Mystery Science Theater would mock! It’s so much more amazing.

Pick up a book, open your mind, talk to others who don’t share your beliefs. Be open to learning to growing. For me it’s studying physics that blows my mind. Thinking about Heisenberg’s uncertainty principal is enough to stupefy me for hours. There are an endless treasure trove of ideas and opinions to ponder in other religions and beliefs.

Stop being scared and start living. Stop being afraid to ask questions, stop being afraid to learn. Look at this world, it’s all yours… enjoy it!

Category : Story Archive &Truth